Purging

Last night I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, so I started reflecting on my life. Sadly, I didn't like what I saw. I have not been a nice person lately to my family. I have been mean, unkind, selfish, and all out nasty. Have you ever gotten to that point, where you just feel dark inside? All you can see is negativity, anger, disappointment, regrets, hate and all around bleakness? That is where I have been.
I think subconsciously I like carrying around this gloominess because it is comforting. It is what I know, and has been there. It is easier in a way than making an effort to change. I hate change. :) It is very hard for me. Sometimes I see a glimmer of light, but then something happens that causes the darkness to come back.
Ironically I have started reading my scriptures again and little by little, messages are touching my heart. I was reading about Ammon and his experience with King Lamoni. The gospel touched his heart and caused all the hatered he had for the Nephites to disappear. It touched him so much, that he and his people had no more desire to use their weapons of war. They would rather die, than hurt their brethern. This got me to thinking, Why is it easier for me to be a Gadianton Robber than an Anti Nephi Lehi? Why can't I keep my weapons of war buried? And what are my weapons of war? They are the hurtful words I use with my children, grabbing them in anger, feelings of indifferent with them, and I think even not caring about myself, my home, or my life. These are the weapons that I need to bury. The Gadianton robbers kept uncovering their weapons, because Satan kept reminding them of where they were hidden. He wanted them to be stirred up in anger, vengence and downright nastiness. When I am acting like this, the Gadianton Robbers are winning.

I don't want them to win anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want the peace that the gospel brings. I want to turn it all over to the One who can heal my broken heart and make me whole again. Why is that so hard? Why is my heart willing, but my flesh is weak?

Why can't I have the perfect faith of my little Emily who just brought me a picture and pointed to it with a big smile on her face, and said "Jesus". She knows, and deep down I know too.
That is what keeps me trying. Maybe this time will be different.

Gratitude

Today I am grateful. Grateful for my 3 beautiful, healthy children. Why am I so blessed to have healthy children, while so many others are not. We had a family in our ward who had a daughter with heart problems from birth. I started following her blog and came across the following family. I have started reading their blog and it has touched me so much. There are really no words to describe it.
Read it. You won't be the same after. It will touch you.

http://thisandthataboutthebowmans.blogspot.com/

Being Happy

After church today I asked Thomas if he was happy. This was our conversation.

M: Thomas, are you happy?
T: Yes.
M: Why are you happy?
T: Because Jesus is real.
M: How do you know Jesus is real.
T: Because I feel it in my heart.

I feel it too.
Happy Sunday.

Leila Marie

I have a new little neice! She is beautiful! Right now she is in the NICU on antibiotics fighting a little bug. She is doing much better.

Isn't she adorable?

Waikiki

We flew to Oahu on the 24th and spent a couple of days there. It was so crowded! We stayed at the Marriott Waikiki Beach on the 17th floor, and had a great view of the beach. We went snorkeling and had dinner at a great resturant on top of the Sheraton Waikiki. The resturant was all glass windows and we had a great view of Diamond Head and a fireworks show at the Hilton Hawaiian Village.

While in Waikiki we also went to the PCC. That post will be next...

Banyan Tree

One of the neat things we saw in Lahaina, was a Banyan tree. This thing is enourmous. It is one tree that grows up, and then drops roots back down to the ground. It does this over and over again, but is still attached to the main tree. It is a neat site. Aloha!

Aloha

Our trip to Maui was wonderful! I have so much to post, but don't want to bore anyone, so I will probably break this up over a couple of days. So, here goes my narration of my week in paradise.

We flew to Kahului, Maui on July 20th. We flew first class and it was very relaxing. The perfect way to begin our trip. We stayed at the Royal Lahaina resort on Kaanapali Beach for the first 4 days of our trip. We were on the 12th. floor and had a partial ocean view. It was breathtaking. We went to Old Lahaina and walked along front street and had Ululoni's shaved ice. Heavenly! We ate at Bubba Gumps, Leilani's on the Beach, Pacific O, and had dinner at our hotel one night. I loved the sweet potato fries. The sunsets here in Lahaina are amazing. We had a view of the sunset every night at dinner and just enjoyed each other's company.

Our kids were at home with Grandma McLain, Aunt Ariel and Uncle Steven. They were in good hands. Emily came down with a fever and cold the morning we left, but luckily it only lasted 24 hours. Nathan came down with the same cold, but he got over it quickly as well.
We went Snuba diving and also a lot of snorkeling. That experience will be posted later.
I had a great time.

Here is a funny story. The parking spaces at a lot of resorts are very tight. Some nights you are lucky to find a spot. One night we found a spot right next to the entrance of the tennis club. The next morning we came down to our car and someone had written a note and left it on our window. They accused us of taking 2 spots and forcing them to have to park in Valet and pay $10 more for doing so. Nathan and I just busted up laughing. Obviously they had a few too many mai tai's and their vision was impaired, and they hadn't been in Hawaii very long because they hadn't acquired the spirit of Aloha!
What do you think? Do you think another car could have fit in the spot?

I'll post part 2 tomorrow on our adventure of Snuba!

Am I Cursed?

I am really beginning to wonder if I am cursed. Every month since the beginning of the year something has happened to one of us while Nathan was out of town, or going out of town. Here are some hilights:
January- I broke my arm 2 days before Nathan traveled.
February- Influenza A, Emily taken to ER. Nathan at a business summit.
April- I had a double ear infection, had to call family at 2:30am. Nathan in London.
March- Abby needs stitches in leg 2 days before Nathan goes out of town.
May- Emily broke her leg, and today Abby got bit by a dog. My mom left this morning and before that we were accident free. She leaves, and the dog bites. Nathan is in Japan.

Is there a pattern here? Is my karma out of whack? Nathan returns Saturday hopefully free from Swine flu. Knock on wood. Is there any wood nearby? I'm going to go find some...

Happy Mother's Day

I love my husband and my children. Thank you for the wonderful Mother's day breakfast.

I am thankful for my mom and the women in my life. Thank you for teaching me and encouraging me to be my best self.

I hope you all had a wonderful day!

Abby stikes again

Yep, Emily has a broken leg. We came home from our dinner and the sitter let us know that Abby did something to her, but she wasn't sure what. I asked Abby and here is the conversation.
M: Abby, what happened to Emily?
A: Well, she went to your room and I went after her to bring her back.
M: Did you pick her up?
A: Well, I tried to carry her, and I dropped her.

Okay, so we thought Emily was okay, but the next morning she wouldn't put any weight on her right foot, and would cry if you touched her foot. I took her to the dr's office, got x-rays, and sure enough she has a hairline fracture on her right leg. Luckily it is very small and she should recover without too much damage.

She can crawl and can even walk if she wants too. Her favorite thing with the cast is sitting on the hardwood floor and scraping her cast against the floor! Uh-oh!

Happy Anniversary

On May 8th, Nathan and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary. We went to Macaroni Grill and had a wonderful time. He suprised me with a trip to Maui! We are going in July. We will also island hop to Oahu and go to the PCC. If any of you have been there, give me some suggestions.

I love him so much and I'm so grateful for his love and support.

We came home to experience the above...

Thomas

Thomas turned 7 years old a couple of months ago, and I still haven't gotten his video posted, so these pictures will have to do. He had his birthday at Kangaroo Zoo and had a space theme. He had a lot of fun. Here are some facts about Thomas: 1. He loves Wii. Mario Kart and Mario super galaxy are some of his favorite games. 2. He loves to read. He is already past the 1st grade reading level. 3. He loves to play with friends. 4. He enjoys sports. His favorite at the moment is basketball. 5. He enjoys taking care of his fish. 6. He loves his sisters Abby and Emily. 7. He recently taught himself to ride his bike. He loves his family and he makes us all very happy. He loves to learn new things and I am blessed to have him as my son.

Look who is walking

Emily is walking! She finally has enough confidence to venture out on her own. She is getting so big! Where has the time gone?

I'm a Big Kid Now

Abby is a big kid now! She is finally going pee-pee in the potty. I am so proud of her. I turned it all over to her and made her responsible for all of it. Yippee! We are working on number 2, but this is a huge step!

Alabama Friends

I want to give a shout out to my Alabama friends and make sure everyone is okay. It appears you all are getting some bad weather. I hope you are all okay and come through with out any major damage.

They Know Our Name

I feel like American Fork Hospital ER knows us. We have visited them once a month since December. Today was Abby's turn. She was running in the hall, fell and slid into the air intakes and cut up her knee. 3 gashes, one needing 3 stitches. Nathan was the lucky one to take her to the ER. They put some numbing agent on her knee to dull the pain, and when they decided to do the stitches, Nathan was laying across her chest, a 'large" orderly grabbed her legs, and the doctor layed across her other side while he stitched her up. Once it was over, they were all suprised by how strong she was. She screamed the whole time. I am the lucky one who gets to go with her in 12 days to have the stitches removed. I can't wait! That will be fun.


Poor baby!

Abby's New Do

Abby finally let me take her to Cookie Cutters for a haircut. I decided to go short because the weather will be warming up, and she hates for me to do anything with her hair. Not to mention, I don't know how to do anything with her hair.

She looks a lot more grown up now. It still has a mind of its own, but it is at least out of her face now.

Influenza strikes not once, not twice, but thrice!

I am now an official supporter of a flu shot! We will be first in line next year to get them. Influenza is awful! Can I just vent for a moment? I know you will all understand...
So, last Friday Thomas came home from school and said he didn't feel well. I checked his temperature and it was 102! I thought that was odd. He hadn't complained about anything. So, part of me was thinking "Random", but later that night he said his throat hurt too. Saturday was not much better, so I called his doctor and asked about bringing him in, but they were all full. Sunday morning Nathan took him to Instacare and waited 2 HOURS to get seen. 1 hour of that was standing in line to check in!
The doctor ordered a strep test which of course came back negative. No mention of influenza. Meanwhile, Emily wakes up with a fever and sniffles so I'm thinking she has the same thing. She moves in with us so I can keep an eye on her. Monday is a holiday and Nathan leaves to go to Salt Lake for the week. (He had a huge trade show the entire week and was staying up there. Perfect timing) Thomas is better on Tuesday so off he goes to school.
Tuesday night, Emily is a mess. She has mucous everywhere. She is still running a high fever and is having trouble breathing. I'm contemplating whether to call Nathan and then realize that Emily is burning up. I call him and tell him to meet me at the hospital. I call our Aunt and Uncle and they come to watch Thomas and Abby and help me take Emily to the hospital.
She had a rectal fever of 103.1 and was positive for Influenza A. Of course by now it is too late to take the medicine to shorten the effects. Poor baby, she is going to have to suffer through it.
Up to present, Thomas relapsed with his fever on Wednesday, so he was at the doctor and had an influenza test as well. Of course it is positive. No medicine for him either. And then to make sure that I am not left out, I have it too.
Life has been difficult this last week. It is amazing how something so small can reek such havoc. Because of a microscopic virus, Nathan had to come home early from his summit, he missed the Maroon 5 concert, skiing, and had to drive to Salt Lake early every morning for the rest of the week to be there by 8 am. I have had very little sleep for the week because of my concern for Emily, and have felt it through out my entire body. (On a good note, I did loose 5 pounds :)
Poor Emily. I hate seeing my little one suffer. I had to take her back to the hospital over the last few days to be resuctioned from all the mucous. She didn't like that at all. Her fever is still here, but hopefully will be leaving us shortly.
I am better. I now have small coughing spells that are uncomfortable, but I am finally getting sleep. I didn't realize how tired I was until I finally collapsed yesterday and slept peacefully.

Luckily, Abby is healthy and not showing any symptons. I will tell you though at the first sign of anything remotely flu related, she is on medication. If the instacare doctor would have taken just a little minute, Thomas could have been tested within the window of opportunity and gone on medication, Emily would have gone on something, and all would have been milder. Actually, if I would have had my kids vaccinated, then none of this would have happened.
I learned my lesson. I will beat you next year! I will win! You are not welcome in my home anymore!
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! Fool me thrice...then I am beyond help.

Down will come baby...

Okay, so I know you have all been wondering what happened so here is the story.
On Monday(20th), we decided to spend the day together since Thomas was out of school and Nathan had the day off. We drove around town and around 4pm we decided to go rent some movies and head home, order pizza and have a picnic in the family room. We were leaving Hollywood Video and I was holding Emily in my left arm. I guess I went to step down the step, when Abby crossed in front of me. I missed the step, fell down and landed on top of my right arm while it went up in the "square" position. I heard something pop, and then realized that Emily was now laying on the ground screaming. Her head literally bounced off the concrete and within seconds she had a goose egg forming on the side of her head.
Nathan turned around, saw us both on the ground and said, "Please tell me that sound was not Emily's head hitting the concrete." I started crying, we yelled at the kids to get in the car, and raced 2 blocks to the ER. I rushed in with her and the nurses took her to check her out. She had a CAT Scan and all came back normal. I went to X-ray and had a few pictures taken of my arm, and neck. The doctor couldn't tell at that time if it was broken or sprained, so he splinted my entire arm and told me to follow up with an Orthopedic in a week.
That night we had to check on Emily every 3 hours to make sure she was okay and I took my pain meds faithfully.
Tuesday things were a little better, but since it was my right arm, I couldn't do anything. The ward stepped in and brought me meals Thurs-Saturday since Nathan left Wednesday to go to Finland. Perfect timing!
I went to Ortho yesterday and sure enough, I have a small fracture on my right wrist. I am now in a removable brace that keeps it all secure, but allows me to move my fingers and take it off when I need to.
3 more weeks to go!

P.S. For those who may be wondering, Abby was completely fine. She got out of the way while I was falling. She felt so bad though, that in the ER, she kept apologizing for making me fall and said it was an accident. Very cute!

Emily is 1!

Emily is 1! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Here are some "firsts" about her.
1. She is pulling herself up and cruising the furniture.
2. She is talking and babbling all the time.
3. She is experiencing separation anxiety.
4. She loves to cuddle and give kisses.
5. She loves to laugh.
6. She loves to read. She can sit with a picture book and just look at it over and over.
7. She loves her brother and sister very much.
8. She is constantly on the move. She keeps all of us on our toes.

We love her very much and we are so glad she is part of our family.

i've been tagged...

but it will have to wait! i fractured my right arm and can barely type! hopefully i will be back to normal soon.

Game Over!

I think I have psychologically damaged my child. She will never look at a potty ever again. Do Depends come in child size?
Last night was a nightmare! My daughter has a bladder as strong as steel! She held it from 9:30am until sometime after 8pm! Nothing, Nadda, Zip! She would not go for anything in the world! Last night we took turns making her sit on the potty with her screaming, while we promised her every toy imaginable, cookies, you name it and she wouldn't budge a drop.

She wanted to come out with us in the family room and we told her that if she went, then she could come out, otherwise she had to go to bed. Yep, she went to bed early. Fell asleep quickly, and then had the nerve to wake me up at 1:30 in the morning to tell me she was wet. Needless to say, she went back to bed wet.

This morning, she got up, changed herself into a new diaper, got dressed and is going on like nothing ever happened. I am not buying anymore diapers. When she runs out, she is out. AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Abby:2 Mom:0

She did it again! This morning I was smart at least I thought I was and waited for her to have a BM before I put her in plain underwear. No pullups so as not to confuse her about what we were trying to accomplish. That was at 10:30 this morning. We went about our day stopping occasionally to drag her to the potty with no success. Again, I thought I would have success and eventually she would cave in but I guess I don't know my own daughter as well as I thought I did. At 4:30 (6 hours later!) she comes to me, wet and crying because her socks are wet!
A: Will you change me? My socks are wet too! (she is sobbing)
M: No, you will have to do it yourself. If you make the mess, you will clean it up.

I prepare her bath, and try to find out exactly where she went. She gets in the tub, cleans herself up and I discover the mess upstairs in front of her kitchen. She gets out of the tub, gets dressed in fresh underwear and proceeds to come upstairs and help me clean the mess. She was so excited! She actually thought it was fun to clean up.
A: Here you go mommy! I cleaned it up. It is all better.

Abby 2, Mom 0

Abby 1 : Mom 0

So, yesterday was the start of potty training. Needless to say, it didn't go well. Those of you who know Abby will understand the following story. Here is how it went.
I put her in underwear with a pull up over it and sent her on her way. I set the timer and we were off. 30 minutes later, here is our conversation.
M: Abby, did you mess your pants?
A: No mom, I went in my diaper.
I take her to the bathroom, sit her down, hose her off while she is telling me it is an accident, and crying how she doesn't like the potty.

Never fear, I brush myself off and we start again. I change her and send her on her way. Every 30 minutes or so we head to the bathroom with no success. We leave to pick up Thomas from school and when we get home I realize that she has been holding it for over 4 hours. I get tough and make her sit on the potty until she goes. I'm thinking, "She'll cave in, I'll win, and all will be well." YEAH RIGHT! This goes on for 2 HOURS! Finally I put her in a pull up because the babysitter was coming, and I wasn't about to let the babysitter deal with potty training, (isn't that nice of me!)and I go get ready to go out with Nathan.
15 minutes later, here is our conversation.
A: Am I in a diaper, or underwear?
M: diaper. Abby, did you wet your pants?
A: Will you change me? I'm wet.
M: No, if you are going to wear a diaper, than you are going to have to change yourself.
Abby leaves and I don't think about it. A few minutes later, she goes walking down the hall just as I am coming out of my room and says:
A: I did it all by myself!
I went in to her room and there on the floor is her wet diaper, and a used wipe!

At the end of the day the score is Abby:1, Mom: 0

Happy New Year!

We had a wonderful Christmas. Nathan's mom and dad and sister and brother came from Texas and spent the holiday with us. It was nice to have them here. They got to meet Emily for the first time, and of course she won them all over. We are lucky to have wonderful family and look forward to them coming to visit again soon.
School is back in full swing and we are all settling in for a fun and exciting year. We hope all of you are well.
Next up on the agenda, birthdays, and potty training. I have been patient with Abby for as long as I can hoping that she would be interested in doing it. She still isn't and her doctor said it is time to step it up and break free. Wish us luck! I'll let you know how it goes.

...NuxieMade...: NuxieMade Hat Give-Away!!

These hats are beautiful! Thanks for the idea Karen.

...NuxieMade...: NuxieMade Hat Give-Away!!